Showing posts with label Kannahamaru. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Kannahamaru. Show all posts

Wednesday, 28 June 2017

The Physicist's endgame(Kannahamaru Chronicles #7)

"I'm gonna lay low for some time."
Announced kannahamaru
"Wouldn't that be a problem with your loud noise
uh, excuse me, voice?"
Retorted Rocky.
Kannahamaru was not affected by the comment.
Rocky eyed me, asking why he isn't  normal.
"Listen, joking time is over, I might be in real  trouble  this time"
"Where are you going to be K?"
"I cannot tell you the exact  spot.
Walls have ears."
Mouthed him.
"But I will be in one of his safe houses."
At this moment the half opened door was fully opened and a stranger stepped into the view. Kannahamaru was pointing right at him. He looked oddly familiar to me.
"You, I swear I've seen you before."
"My name is déjà vu."
Stated the stranger matter-of-factly.
Déjà vu was a some sort of an urban legend. At times stories about him got so unreal that I  seriously doubted their authenticity.
It was  among those that Déjà vu had safe houses built around the country. ( Since this one turned out to be true, I've began to suspect that there must be some amount of truth to the story in which he wrestled a mountain gorilla or even the rumour that he's currently dating a vampire.) But what amused me and by his reaction, Rocky too  was  that Kannahamaru was friends with Déjà vu for we took pride in being Kannahamaru's only friends. Standing almost as tall as Kannahamaru himself  Déjà vu was a  well-built fellow with a calm but often alarmy demeanor. He wore a T-shirt with a big wolf head and written beneath it were the words Winter is coming.
"Let me go to my room  and collect my emergency supplies"
Said Kannahamaru
Rocky and  I went along and helped him pack his stuff.
Kannahamaru already had everything organised. From underwears to emergency medications. Complete with a first aid box. Among other things I noticed an Klingon-English dictionary as well. Kannahamaru never took chances. And between his gameboy and a deck of cards were a pack of cigarettes. Kannahamaru of course noticed my looking at it and said.
"I'm teaching myself card tricks"
"And cigarettes are just in case if I pick up smoking."
He continued.
Within an hour freshly bathed and shaven kannahamaru was ready to go he looked sharp in the scarlet shirt, radiant and beaming with energy.
"Before I go, let's have one last drink."
"But K, you never drink."
I protested.
"Exceptions can be made for extraordinary times"
Said him.
The glasses were set and Rocky poured equal amounts of colourless liquid into the glasses.
"You young people don't know a thing about drinking vodka"
Said him, his accent perfect Russian.
We  toasted the drink ( "To Kannahamaru's journey")
and emptied the glasses and put it back on the table with bangs.
" It tastes like water."
Observed Kannahamaru as a closing statement.
Déjà vu gave him the keys. Kannahamaru shoulderd his bag it had something that starts with In fearful day, written over it. Kannahamaru looked at us for one last time. His cab had arrived. He got on it. Within no time it was taking off.
"I will write you  letters"
I looked at Rocky.
"How odd"
Said him.
Rocky, Déjà vu, and I were left there. Déjà vu looked at us.
Sic transit gloria mundi
Said him. And with that he was gone. The connecting link between us and him lost.
                     ***
We had a boring weekend and and a lousier week afterward. Truth to be told we began to miss Kannahamaru.( blessed be his name). Rocky began to make parachutes in despair.
Kannahamaru true to his word sent us a letter. The letter found us on the fifth day of his leaving.  We tore open the envelope. Enclosed inside what we found to our surprise was a blank sheet of paper.
"Why would he go to all the troubles to send us this?"
Rocky wondered aloud. I had an idea. Not very novel, so to say but  what seemed to be likely. We had a UV lamp. I switched it on and shown to the letter. It read as follows.
Dearest, Rocky and TJ
The fact that you are able to read this evidently points to that one of  you actually tried the UV lamp. Congratulations.
Now to the point. First off I'm sorry that I had to leave you two in the dark. But it is called a secret mission for a reason you see. I'm safe at one of déjà vu's safe houses. (Don't ask him which- with this key, I could get access to any)  I suspect my nemesis- I call him the manipulator is in a hunt for me. Don't say real people don't have nemesii. I've been suspecting his actions for a long time now. He's Moriarty for my Sherlock Holmes, Lex luthor to my Superman, electoral college for my Hilary Clinton. But I've failed in  linking his  actions directly to him with hard evidence thus failing in bringing him to the public.He's called the subtle genius  for no other reason pals.  Not only I failed in bringing him public but I revealed myself in trying so. I suspect our rooms have been bugged, for somehow he's been able to foresee my moves.  We've been  looking into the future with such vigour that we missed what's happening in the present. My condition might be dangerous, mortal even. I've taught you all I know. I'm sure that you could fend yourselves from any attacks the 'manipulator's minions would be throwing at you. Even if I die in this endeavour, I will bring down him with me.
I know you switched my drink with  a placebo one. Nice try turning the fact that I haven't had a drink before to your advantage but I know what a 40%  drink ought to taste like ( subtle hand movements Rocky, I've gotta hand it to you.)
Thank you for watching out for me. But with my level of imagination skills it was easy tricking the subconscious to think that I'd have a real drink and attaining a real high was no problem.
At this Rocky smiled. And I continued
Even if I die, I'm saying this because I need you to know that a I lead, I won't say long but nevertheless a content life.  And like Albus I believe that "for a fully prepared mind death is but the next big adventure."
And I am ready to embrace this, And I need you to move forward all for the same reason and that is,  " somewhere something incredible is waiting to be known. "
See you soon (hopefully) Jackasses
It was signed below.
Written below was
P.S. : Burn the letter after reading
And beneath that was
P.P.S. : I'm serious.
I stopped reading. Rocky was smiling through his tears. I wasn't really sure what to think. Kannahamaru might be dying but he managed to quote Carl Sagan and Harry potter in a single letter.
Later we burned the letter honoring Kannahamaru's wish though rocky was in favour for using chromatography to find the possible origin of the letter.
***
We put our intellectual resources into work. It was a hard work, considering the number of safe houses déjà vu owned. All of whichs locations weren't known. We tried to pick them by nearness and a number of other criteria. It was all unnecessary. For the third day after the letter arrived, It was shown across national media that déjà vu's safe house  in Calicut blew up. And with it, Kannahamaru.
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Friday, 19 May 2017

A Certain Psychotic Robot (Kannahamaru #5)

" ...And Dr Kannahamaru, 
we need to talk"
Rocky looked at the stranger in awe. Probably because of the cold efficiency by which she pinned the werewolves to the wall.
"Who are you?"
"I am the one who just saved your sorry asses"
Rocky just grinned idiotically. He didn't seem interested in defending us.
Kannahamaru on the other hand looked concerned but otherwise unfazed by her rather stern remark.
"We had it under control. Rocky here is mean with the acetylene torch. Kannahamaru is a master tactician. There wasn't really a scenario where the werewolves get better of us."
Said I
"You- whatever you want to tell me, you can say it infront of them"
"I'm a robot sent back in time to..."
"Save us from skynet ?"
"No make sure that my parents marry each other?
Asked Rocky. (2)
" You're no robot."
Said kannahamaru.
The werewolves' bodies were vaporizing in front of us
"Oh"
Said the robot-not
I thought she was bothered about the fuming bodies of the werewolves.
"I am a robot"
Said her
"No you're not."
Kannahamaru was not giving up. He scribbled something on to a piece of paper.
"Here, what does it read?"
Asked him showing her the paper which now had some sort of a pictogram. "
"Orange"
Said she
"You're a human".
" What you just answered was a Turing test (3)"
And what you just given was the average human response. See, what does it read?"
Kannahamaru asked us
"Orange"
Answered Rocky and I dutifully.
"See your response is in par with average human responce"
We smiled.
"But.."
She began to sob, "I am a robot."
She produced a small knife with slim blade from her belt and made an insicion on her left wrist.
She began to bleed.
"What are you doing?"
Shouted Kannahamaru
"Never mind, it's just skin graft. 
" See I'm a robot.I feel no pai….".
She couldn't complete the sentence obviously in pain.
Kannahamaru faced us and said
"She's delusional
Put her on Haldol
She will be fine by lunch"
Rocky had a cotton soaked in something. He showed it under her nose and after a bit of clawing on his face the girl toppled off on to Rocky's shoulder. He put her on to the bed.
"What the hell was that?"
Kannahamaru asked Rocky once the ordeal was over for good.
"Chloroform
I had some leftover from  the Cockroach Business." 
And for the last time, this is not a hospital and we don't store medicine grade tranquilsers. And you're no diagnostician."
"I watch a lot of medical dramas."
Said kannahamaru
"I watch The flash doesn't make me super fast."
I was actually watching these exchanges interestingly. If anyone could actually match Kannahamaru at least in verbal prowess  it was Rocky.
____________________
"Were am I?"
Our stranger was waking up. She seemed to be recollecting everything. Her eyes wandered about the room obviously looking for her weapons.
We had arranged those in the cupboard after a series of arguments. For once Kannahamaru was of the opinion that the arrowheads should be duct taped to avoid accidental cutting (paper cuts were Kannahamaru's third worst nightmare. After dogs and heights respectively). Rocky argued that it will render those invalid as weapons in case of a future attack.
Kannahamaru was hesitant
but agreed anyway. However he insisted on arranging the weapons in way that it satisfied his OCDs.
I had feeling that she'll dash out or try to reach her weapons. But thankfully none of that happened she just lay there and appeared too depressed to move.
"I've been sent back in time to protect you."
"That sounds very clichéd"
Said Kannahamaru
"I've programmed to…"
"Programmed? didn't you mean briefed to?"
This was the moment when Harry Christian entered the room.
"I'm going out, do you guys want any…"
That's when he noticed the robot in quaestio
" Get me an egg sandwich, with oregano, onions and  cheese, extra cheese. And make the bread whole wheat."
The answer however was definite.
"I didn't know you'd company"
He seemed unsure of himself.
Harry was Kannahamaru's old roommate and occasional partner in crime.
"This is Harry" Kannahamaru said to the robot
"Harry, meet the new robot sensation of the town… what was your name?"
"A1S34R7A"
Said her.
"C'mon!" They still name robots like in an 80's novel?
And since your robotalitiy been debunked by me, just give me your name ."
" That's my only name."
"We're just gonna call you Robo."
Said Rocky.
"Harry, Robo, Robo Harry"
Kannahamaru was already done with introductions.
Harry however seemed doubtful.
"You say you're a robot. Then how come you're hungry and want to eat?"
"I'm designed to digest and derive energy from biological sources. And I'm a stress-eater"
"But why not grass or ants or something?"
Harry wasn't giving up.
Robo gave him a sizing look and said.
"I said I'm a robot, not I don't have standards."
Kannahamaru was amused
"And by the way Harry, make that sandwich five. Let's see why that taste is future-proof."
Said him slipping Harry a ₹1000 bill.
____________________


Footnotes:

1: Title inspired from anime  A certain magical index
2. References to movie franchise Terminator and movie : Back to the future.
3.Turing test  :  a test for intelligence in a computer, requiring that a human being should be unable to distinguish the machine from another human being by using the replies to questions put to both.
- google
____________________


Truth or fiction

* Rocky doesn't watch The Flash. It's Kannahamaru and the narrator who does. And Kannahamaru have watched at least one medical drama.
*Fear towards Paper cuts are as per the narrator's knowledge not a fear exhibited by Kannahamaru.
* The specification of the sandwich is by Kannahamaru and is taken from a live, hyperactive Kannahamaru.
* The brief introduction system is taken from TV series friends and used (notoriously) by the narrator.

Robo

Illustrations © Vipin R.


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Sunday, 14 May 2017

All is fair (Kannahamaru #4)

Wait, let me guess?
You want to know what happened to us after the incidents of the last episode.  But you're going to wait a bit more to find the answer to that question. You may have other questions as well like,
Q: Why didn't Kannahamaru punch the werewolf if he's strong enough to punch a hole through a solid wall of concrete?
Now if you were paying attention you would also notice that I'm not telling events in an exact chronological order. (Kannahamaru does not respect time.) So we may yet to see as to why.
So no. You're not going to find out what happened to Kannahamaru, Rocky, myself and the beautiful stranger until the episode after this one.
Since we're clear with what this episode is not, let’s get on with what it is.

-----------------

Day 1

"I'm in love"
Kannahamaru was super-excited.
"I thought you believed Love's just chemicals" Rocky said. "That's a big jar of chemicals you're in K"
"Love may be just chemicals but that doesn't make it any less real and yes I have my weaknesses I'm an acrophobic and a cynophobic but not a  chemophobic, never a chemophobic."
Kannahamaru said.
"So first love."
I probed him
"No this is not the first. First one was when I was studying in the fourth standard and I paperballed my matter-of-fact love letter at Arvine. Which didn't quite reach there and some other girl picked it up who broke into tears."
"Kannahamaru, in 4th standard and already girls crying for him."
I said.
"I believe that was more like girls crying because of him."
Rocky had a goofy smile.
"Tomato, tomhato."
"I've already written a letter. They have placed this thing at university for the Valentine's day a box were we can deposit our letters and they get delivered to the addressees."
"Seems simple enough"
Rocky acknowledged.
"This almost feels like destiny, that I fall in love with her around the Valentine's Day and all"
"You don't believe in such things"
"I don't have to believe in such things for it to be true."

-----------------

Day :2 ( Valentine's day)

"Why is she wearing black?"
Kannahamaru wondered aloud.
"Why indeed?"
Rocky joined in
"Because they've like a color code for Valentine's Day.”
"Is it like the color code for resisters?"
"See, you get the idea"
I was rather relived to see Kannahamaru unscathed in the evening. He looked goofy yet delightful.
"I've given her the letter."
He declared.
"And?"
Rocky was intrigued.
"She knew it was me."
"How?"
"They must've figured it out from the style of prose and the rich vocabulary. Or was it because I gave her the other copy of the letter?"
Kannahamaru said.
"Wait, you had another copy?”
I asked.
“Just in case I lose the first one.”
"But what if you lose that one?"
"That's why I made these"
Said Kannahamaru pulling out a bundle of sheets from his pocket.
"But I've not told anyone ... except you guys  ... and a couple of ... more like all the girls in my class and all the people on the bus and anyone else who would listen."

-----------------

Day 09

"I've got new frames"
Said Kannahamaru pointing at his glasses.
"See, her favorite color is yellow so..."
"These frames are orange, dude."
Rocky objected.
“Yeah, hers is yellow, and mine is red."

-----------------

Day 13

"Do you think I should go and talk to her about homeopathy?"
Asked Kannahamaru
"Because asking her out is too mainstream?"
Rocky wondered aloud.
"Don't rush it dude, I don't think she's ready for such level of commitment. Better you start with how Santa isn't real and how Christians hijacked winter solstice before getting that intimate."
Answered me.

-----------------

Day 15

“She has a boyfriend.”
Rocky announced.
"And what? You want one too?"
Asked Kannahamaru calmly.
"Such a possibility was taken into account and its possible repercussions were analysed carefully and such analyses were meta-analyesd and information thus obtained was rechecked for errors and graph was plotted. From the graphical solution, the probability of her having no boyfriend was near zero. In other words I knew this was coming".
Added him .
"This is an extension of the general rule that all the beautiful girls are already taken. In fact I've already theorized character profiles for the most probable cases based on the data."
He handed Rocky a folder.
"Bob. Age 23, engineer"
"Nath 22, student"
Rocky began flipping through pages.
He stopped at the one which had 'caution' written over it.
"That is the most probable case."
Kannahamaru said
Rocky took the paper in his hands. I moved to position where I could peek into the paper.
"So this guy's a communist and a believer?
Don't you think that's an odd combo?"
I looked at Rocky.
"Not a bad combination as an intellectual and being in love."
He paused a bit and continued "… not as odd as putting your intellectual resources into stalking either"
"I am not stalking…"
Kannahamaru protested.
"…I am researching"

-----------------

Day 17
"I'm on my productive peak"
Said Kannahamaru
"I so hate it when I accidentally publish a research article"
"Last night I was scribbling something and before I know I was mailing it to Nature."
"That can't be right, the peer review alone would take.…"
Began Rocky.
"Exceptions can be made my friend"
"You mean you manipulated them somehow?"
“Like I told you, I am a manipulative bastard. But why manipulate people when you can manipulate time?"

-----------------

Footnotes:
-----------------

1.  Title from the phrase "All is fair in love and war"  first used in
John Lyly's novel "Euphues: The Anatomy of Wit" published in 1579.

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Wednesday, 10 May 2017

Tachyons and a Teacup ( kannahamaru special guest episode)

"Where are we?" I asked.
"High orbit, around Neptune" the weird guy who looked like a punk answered.
"Why are we here?" asked I, seeing that Rocky and Kannahamaru were both passed out on the floor. "Or more importantly, how are we here?"
"I brought you here."
"Why would you bring us into a high orbit around Neptune?" said Kannahamaru, waking up. "A low orbit would have been better."
“Is this guy for real?” looked back the guy who brought us here. “You’re supposed to be smart, what does it matter if the orbit is low? You have no idea why we’re here.”
“Time travel.” smiled Kannahamaru.
“And I know who you are. So, if you want to take my teacup, I don’t have it with me now”
“We didn’t have another satellite at this point in time,” said the new guy. “And I’m sorry sir. I had no idea you had figured it out.”
“When you began talking, I thought I’d let my friend do the talking,” said Kannahamaru. “People open up to the oblivious more freely. I wasn’t knocked out. I saw how your tech worked. It gave me the final pieces. This is Neptune’s orbit in the future, right? Twenty years?”
“How…”
“Tachyon velocity vectors, it’s gonna make your pathetic head hurt.”
“I took the cup.”
“You did? And are you sure he needs it? I love my cup. I don’t even drink tea in it.”
“He needs it.”
I had no idea what these people were talking about. It was like they had some other worldly variety of… something. All this would add up to stuff in the future, and past. But even the guy from the future had no idea what would happen. It’s complicated.
“Why is Rocky here?”
“There are things you don’t know either.”
“Nobody knows things from the future.”
“He’s here to make the parachute.”
“What parachute?”
“This parachute.” Said Rocky. He had a contraption with a lot of metal and scraping and stuff, it looked like a gas balloon with a bucket.
“How did you make the parachute for the payload so fast?” asked the future guy.
“Experience.” Rocky nonchalantly replied.
“But, you study biology.” Kannahamaru was slightly annoyed.
“You are not the only idiot who’s fallen in love in the history of stupidity, moron.” Said Rocky. Still nonchalant.
“You can ask him for that story later.” Said the future guy.
“This will probably be stuck in the high atmosphere.” Said Kannahamaru.
“Yes, that’s the plan.”
“I knew that.”
Kannahamaru hugged his cup, in the bucket of the parachute, and shed a tear. Then the three of them dropped the thing.
As the parachute descended, the guy snapped his fingers. After a short flash of lights, the three of us were on our roof. .
“Why was I there?” I asked.
“To narrate the story, we both have other stuff to do.” Said Kannahamaru. “I have to go and solve the equation. Or write it down in terms others can understand.”
Kannahamaru climbed down the stairs when I looked at Rocky.
“That parachute…”
“Another day.”

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Friday, 21 April 2017

Power of suggestion ( Kannahamaru chronicles #1.5) English

"It might as well be power of suggestion."
The voice said.
"I looked around and saw 'the voice' standing by the  staircase.
We were hauling a cot from upstairs to what which would be our room for the following few months. And 'we'here means Rocky and I 'the voice' excluded.
And I was wondering about potential source of my itchiness from moving  the cot when the voice appeared with a rational explanation.
" Thank you "
I said to the voice.
"First things first." The voice said.
"My name is Kannahamaru and I want to be the greatest physicist ever"
We introduced ourselves and Kannahamaru wasted no further time with human niceties. He went on to describe  the 'science behind it'
"Power of suggestion is a psychological phenomenon in which we get physical symptoms like allergies because we are convinced that something happened rather than it actually did."

"Man this guy could really make extra-long sentences"
I thought.
Meanwhile rocky had already located the source of itchiness and tried to swat at it. Kannahamaru wasn't interested in less-abstract concepts like those.
" I will help you guys out "
Kannahamaru (Lord bless the good old Kannahamaru) said and grabbed an end of the cot. Not far away, the physical manifestation of 'power of suggestion' appeared again and it moved towards Kannahamaru as if to prove it's own existence. Kannahamaru was taken aback, but not enough to avoid rocky's  swat and the body behind it. And even Kannahamaru has to obey the law of gravity.

Kannahamaru frowned at the purely psychological pathway 'power of suggestion took' towards the next room.

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Thursday, 20 April 2017

Prologue : The Alien debunker ( Kannahamaru Chronicles #0)

"In our planet..." the alien tried to continue.
Kannahamaru wasn't finished with why special theory of relativity wouldn't allow such a faster than light travel and how the mass of the spacecraft will edge towards infinity.
"... and that's why you wouldn't be able to exist and travel to here."
Said him.
"Science admits when it's wrong. But it never is."
"But... "
Kannahamaru smacked the alien with a book which had 'quantum theory of fields' written across it.
"And that's how you fight ignorance with education."
Said Kannahamaru to the air.

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